Ways to upset the WITCH protagonists
by The living entity of laziness
Summary: yeah.


**No hate to these characters, seriously. I love them all I just felt like doing one of these. Btw, this contains sexual themes and drug use. **

Will:

Maliciously destroy her collection of frogs

Set up a pastling fighting ring in which they fight over the heart.

Imply that she contributed nothing to the team until D is for danger.

Point out that Matt, being in a band and all, could get any girl he wanted

Suggest a three-way with her, Matt and Nerissa. Justify it with the phrase "it isn't like she didn't make him do stuff before. He _was _her slave. And she was trapped in a cell for about twenty years, so she was probably desperate"

Constantly point out that her mum and professor Collins have had sex.

Lock Blunk in her closet. The rest is pretty self explanatory.

Ask if her vibrator is a nice person.

Spam her email with links to Muppet porn. Specifically, scenes including Kermit.

Tape light bulbs to her finger and toes. Throw cheese at her until they light up. Profit.

Irma

Get Chris drunk and lock him in the room where she broadcasts K-ship.

Spike her drinks and allow her to broadcast K-ship.

Whilst she is intoxicated, take pictures of her in lingerie and sell them to Martin.

Buy her many bunnies. Kill them with a blowtorch.

Point out that she is the only guardian with no boyfriend.

Form a secret alliance with Chris to cause mayhem and pain.

Imply that there is serious chemistry between her and Cornelia.

Suggest a three-way with her, Cornelia and Caleb. Justify it with the phrase "There's chemistry with Cornelia. Caleb should be cool, consider the bitches he got back in meridian."

Violate her microphones. Use your imagination.

Spam her email with dolphin porn.

Taranee

Point out that she is the only guardian to be arrested.

Dip her glasses in peanut butter. Release squirrels.

Two words; firework sandwich.

Plant illegal drugs in her room. If you have none, plant many cheese slices. Inform her mother. Drugs will get her arrested. Cheese will get her sanctioned.

Constantly insist that gravity is non-existent. Instead claim that we are being held down by billions of invisible elves. These elves dress like little butlers because of the money they make by holding us down so that we do not discover their secret society, or their plans to harvest our kittens to build an evil giant super cat to rule the universe. Dare her to prove it wrong.

Violate her test papers. Use your imagination.

Hit on Peter. Heavily. Should this fail, hit even more heavily on Nigel.

Glue marshmallows to her entire body.

Fill her house with cats.

Ask her mother if she uses her gavel in bed.

Cornelia

Say in the most condescending tone you can manage "you were only a guardian to protect your sister. Well, I suppose as long as you got to be one..."

Give Caleb many, many cookies. Give her none.

Give everyone an awesomely decorated top hat. Do not give her one. Sit back as she becomes more and more infuriated by her lack of an awesomely fancy top hat.

Psycho-analyse her. A lot.

Ask if she has ever used her power over plants for pleasure. Use your imagination.

Tell her that what happened to her in E is for enemy, probably counts as a wet dream.

Cover her ice skates with glue. Roll them in pastling sweat.

Buy her Vance Michael Justin tickets. Assassinate him on-stage.

Suggest that her relationship with her parents is shallow and materialistic.

Throw bunnies at her. Make sure that they are also wearing awesomely fancy top hats.

Heylin

Ask her what her last name is. Is it Heylin Lin or Hey Lin?

When she is burning joss sticks, roll them in pot beforehand.

Suggest that her grandmother was hotter than she is.

Go Charlie the unicorn on her ass.

Breed puppies. But inject them with dangerous steroids that make them crave human flesh. Unleash them in her family's restaurant whilst screaming "go my pretties! Go!"

Ask her if she uses her power over air to get rid of her pot fumes.

Simply say "with blowing like that it's no wonder Eric chose you."

Heavily imply that she has used her invisibility to watch people undress.

Buy her tickets to an extremely high class art show. Turn up naked, drunk and angry. Proceed to drag her out claiming to be her lover regardless of gender. Should she struggle, beat her with a banjo. Then claim she has been having an affair with Taranee.

Violate her paintbrushes. Use your imagination.

Caleb

Turn his coat into a tent. Name it "fort sexy-beast" and refuse anybody but Phobos and yourself entry.

Inform him of what happened in T is for Trauma.

"Hmm, I wonder what Julian does with the heart of meridian. The jewel that contains his sexy ex-lover..." let the imagination do the rest.

Ask if his surprisingly small shoe size is linked to any other part of his anatomy.

Make whipping noises when he does anything for Cornelia.

Sew his coat into an awesome top hat. Waltz around town wearing this top hat with a monocle and a cane, tipping it to all people you like. Do not tip it to Caleb. When he asks for his coat back, act offended and slap him with your glove.

Give him a joint. Make him wear sunglasses while he does it. When he's good and high, take them off and try to tell this is how the world really looks.

Educate him on the term MILF.

Take him paintballing. Proceed to unleash unholy hell on him while screaming "earth style bitch!"

Take away his cookies. Refuse to give him any more.


End file.
